i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
