i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
