:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
