It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
