dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
