then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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