mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
