I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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