i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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