Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
