You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
