My friends, they love my intelligence
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
