yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
