She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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