We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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