U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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