im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
