Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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