I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
