batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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