Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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