I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
third nipple confirmed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
