So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
