I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
