sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
