I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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