just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
