i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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