that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
