Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
