The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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