When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
