I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
