Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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