Can Purell be used as lube?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
