Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
