we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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