Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
