is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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