You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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