If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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