i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
