Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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