so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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