I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
