you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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