I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
