The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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