Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
