im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
