Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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