Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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