Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
too bad you live with your parents still
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
