I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
