I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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