You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
