My first STD was from a foam party
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
