Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
