Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
