it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
