You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
