You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
