I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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