I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
