After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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