When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
