My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
