I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
