just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
