We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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