Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
