i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
