then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
