you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
