Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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