she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
