shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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