I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
