I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
