just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
